Fear

That is a scary word all in itself... I find myself struggling with that right now... I trust in my Fathers perfect will for me... I trust His way's are right...I rejoice that I'm alive and He ordained the accident down to the smallest detail...and I was spared..... but the fear that is wreaking havic with me right now is terrible... it seem's so silly when I just think about it...but when I get in that car... and I'm driving... it's a feeling like I've never had before... I don't ever remember being 'scared' of anything before...or at least not on this level... I can barely handle being the passanger ... especially in the dark...I cry and can't breathe normal.... and tonight is the first time I'll be driving...by myself...in the dark...since the accident... please pray for me...and any advice is very welcome...

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was that holiday typically surrounded by family, good wishes, laughter, turkey and 'What are you thankful for this year?' asked around the dinner table. It was a quiet one for Darren and I... we ended up staying home just the two of us ... Darren got called out at 3:30 am to plow and was gone for 7+ hours... and I was not traveling on the snow covered and icy roads by myself... (We were suppose to go to Washubrn to my brother's house with the rest of my family)... I missed the hugs and the sound of the children playing... I missed my families faces and their laughter... BUT... they all called me, checked in with me.. made me feel connected, even though I wasn't physically with them... we are always together in my heart... so.... I spent some time in the very early morning hours talking to God...and thanking Him and praising Him for all I have...and all He's done in my life... in my marriage...in the lives of those I love...in our church... and for what is yet to come. This past year has been so amazing and I'm so in awe of my Lord and how I can look back and see His plan and how it unfolded... Trust is the key word... coming to a place in my life where I trust Him completely! That is what this past year has been... a journey toward trust. A journey toward knowing no matter what...He's in control...and I am looking forward to another year of watching His perfect plan for me unfold.

Psalm 28: 6-8 Praise the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust in Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. The Lord gives his people strenght. He is a safe fortress for his anointed King.

Car Vs. Moose

Proverbs 30: 4,5 Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in his fists? Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak? Who has created the whole wide world? What is his name- and his son't name? Tell me if you know! Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.

Monday night on my way home, I hit a moose..... My first accident ever... It was one of the scariest moments of my life... but by the grace of our glorious Father in heaven...he spared me and ordained every detail of that accident. From the weight of the moose to the speed my car was going... every second planned out in his perfect will, and here I am to live and testify about it and about HIM! I know I was not alone in that car and I know I was being surrounded and protected. My time here on earth is not done, He has a plan for me and it's more evident than ever to me today. The Lord has also reminded me how blessed and loved I am... I have the most wonderful group of friends and the best family a girl could ever ask for. In the last two day's I have had an out pourning of love and prayers to cover me. By the time the police arrived on the scene...I had my husband, sister, mother, father-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and a close family friend (who was the car right behind me) all there with me... it might have been just a small accident... no one hurt...but for me, it was quite scary and overwhelming. I am blessed beyond measure and I thank all of you for your prayers, concern, love and support. I love you all!!!!

Friendship

I've always been blessed with a great circle of girlfriends/sisters.... this morning as I'm reading 'blog's and emails.. and checking my "wall" on my facebook... I realize just how awesome this circle is... friendships that are new and growing to 'sistership'... a sister that is amazing... and old friends I've known my whole life... God is good... He knows my needs...(before I ask)... and has surrounded me with the 'sisters' I need for laughter, tears, prayers, support, advice, counsel and sometimes just a smile and a hug.... So...for all of my 'SISTERS' that read this blog... I love you and I thank God for you!!!

Awestruck

Psalm 51:7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Looking out the window this morning at the light snow falling and the inch or so on the ground... I am reminded of God's ultimate gift he gave me. The gift of salvation and a cleansed life, by sending His only son to die for ME! Awestruck at His great mercy... love... grace... and forgiveness.... The ultimate sacrifice... Thank you Father for the hope that lives within me and the promises you restore with every new day!

New Beginnings

Ephesians 5:21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.

I think Darren and I have come to a turning point in our marriage... it's been a very rocky road and but by the grace of God we are still holding on... God has just blessed us with restoration and healing like I've never witnessed before in my life...... Today we spent about 2 hours in conversation about heart stuff... not the typical 'how's the weather going to be today' stuff we usually talk about... I would say in our relationship, that is the one thing we haven't built.. or that is still very much a work in progress... deep conversation... I have a wonderful circle of 'sisters' that I go to in time of distress, hurt, anger, frustration...etc.,and if not them, I go to my King, but I never seem to run to Darren... that is not my desire...and not God's design for a healthy and thriving marriage... Today I had to humble myself and submit to my husbands authority about a 'blessing' I was asking of him.... long and short of it... I believe God was glorified in this situation because not only did Darren and I have a 'heart to heart' about many things... and talked things through without yelling.... but I think Darren finally (maybe even for the first time) saw past his own attitude and judgements and into my heart. It took a few minutes to accopmlish this...we had to walk away for a bit... (Pastor Doug's famous advice)...I believe he is at a place of willingness to see another view besides his very own... Praise God for the work he's doing in my husbands life and heart.. I am always proud of Darren and proud to be his wife...but today, I'm rejoicing too!!!

The past

Today I'll be attending the funeral of a long time family friend... actually the mom of a couple of childhood friends.. I know it will be like 'old home week'... and in turn I'll be seeing my ex-husband today...as our familes share this long time friend... bitter sweet ...sadness and grief are all a part of my heart today.. and praise covers them all... Praise that I've given my heart to the Lord, that I can rest in His arms for comfort, counsel and support today... bitter sweet is the ex-husband part... we were always more like best-friends ..and it's always sad to loose a close connection with someone .. I am grateful and thankful that neither of us have now...or ever had any hard feelings or anger toward each other...and still remember each other fondly and care about one another...divorce can be messy and bitter...and I'm so thankful that is not a part of my reality.... grateful that the Lord took me down the path I was on with Michael (the ex) ...to bring me to where I am today... grateful for my new love...Darren... and the life we have together, centered in Christ! ... and the grief is for all the 'old' friends I'll see today that are heartbroken over the loss they are suffering...and grief that most of them don't know the Lord like I do... I pray the Lord opens doors today ...that I might be a witness today and a light into the truth to those that don't know Him... 2 Samuel 22: 29-31 O Lord, you are my lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness. In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. "God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection."

Rejoice

Blogging... who ever thought I would be savvy enough to create my very own blog 'website'... I guess I was selling myself a bit short on the computer knowledge... but they (whom ever 'they' are) make it really easy to create this stuff...

Today I am rejoicing for some very dear friends that the Lord has just washed blessings upon today. They have been faithful and obedient in their prayer and in their heart attitude in a very difficult situation that could have very easily turned nasty and hardened their hearts. I am so in awe of the Lords mighty hand... of His grace and mercy... I am proud to be a daughter of the King... Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour!